Rebekah Brooks

This story is already old news, but I did a sketch of Rupert Murdoch's disgraced editor last month and only now had a minute to color it.

Sen. Max Baucus

Al & Franni Franken

Maybe it's because of all the scandals in the news lately, but when I saw this picture of the Frankens celebrating his senate win, I thought to myself: this woman's on borrowed time. How long till she and Al are doing that walk of shame because he got caught with an intern.

But the more I think about it, I'd trust Al Franken not to get seduced by power more than just about anyone. This guy started on Saturday Night Live in the seventies. He was going to the after-parties since the Belushi era. If he can get through that and still stay married, what's left? Anything they try to tempt him with on the Hill is going to be child's play to him. He's seen it all and it's probably boring to him at this point. If you were to lock him in a hotel room with a bunch of hookers and blow, he'd probably just start knocking on the door asking how long does he have to be in here, and can you please slide the Times crossword under the door.

Perez Hilton

So this Perez/Will.I.Am story seems pretty open-and-shut to me. The guy was running his mouth and he got hit, end of story. I figure you'd have to be some kind of world-class narcissist to think you can go around using fighting words, and then paint yourself as the innocent victim of a hate crime when it goes bad. Plus he's got a lot of nerve acting like he got gay-bashed when he was the one throwing f-bombs around in the first place. I think it was him gay-bashing the other guy, if you want to get technical about it.

There's only one thing that confuses me about this story, and it goes like this: Wait, this is what Perez Hilton looks like? How hard did he get hit? I mean I realize that he released this picture of himself and his teeny scar in a bid for sympathy. But when I see him making his pouty face all I can think about is how odd-looking he actually is. I don't understand how somebody who looks like this has made himself the terror of the swell set. You mean some of the most beautiful people in the world are sitting around in fear of this guy's pronouncements? He's in no position to insult anyone. He looks like something the Joker would use to scare his kids into eating their vegetables.

Arlen Specter

(Deep, booming voice of God)

Attention Republicans: Some things have come to My attention that we need to discuss. Though I am a vengeful God who demands absolute loyalty, perhaps it wasn't such a hot idea to chase a moderate like Arlen Specter out of the party of Me. You hounded and threatened him and called him a Democrat and, guess what, he decided he may as well be a Democrat. Nice going, fellas. You just handed this Obama character a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate. I don't know if you even want to bother showing up for work for the next couple of years. That is all.

(Pause)

Okay, I was just told that they don't have the 60 seats yet. They still have to seat Al Franken. Maybe God jumped the gun a little on that. Let's not make a big deal out of it. And please don't make Me bring up Al Franken ever again. I can't stand that little troll. I let him coast as an unfunny SNL writer for about 20 seasons and this is how he repays Me.

Jim Cramer on the Daily Show

What a treat to see this guy get his ass handed to him by Jon Stewart the other night. In the world of cable infotainment, it's refreshing when you can witness a bit of honesty and genuineness. And that bit was the undisguised look of fear on Cramer's face as he sat there and kissed the ring. Apart from that I'm pretty sure it was total horseshit.

To Stewart's credit, he really held Cramer's feet to the fire with his questioning, forcing him to try very hard to appear candid and affable while answering a completely different set of questions than he was asked. You can see the carny man's mind working feverishly throughout the interview, wondering how long it can go on and knowing that he's only one bad step away from whatever purgatory awaits guys like Michael Richards and Dog the Bounty Hunter.

And Cramer did his time in the barrel, and then, I don't know, Stewart gave him a stamp on his snake-oil seller's license or something, and they shook hands. And then the audience left and they both cackled menacingly and toasted evil. True story!

Geithner

I'm not even 100% sure who this person is, I just thought he had a goofy face. I gather that he's one of the President's people who's trying to fix the economy, but I couldn't say for certain. I've given up looking at the news for some kind of hope. At this point I'm just looking at the local paper to try to determine what days they're running the evictions. If that peckerwood of a Marshall thinks he's getting me and mine out of this house, he's going to have to come in blasting.

Chris Brown

What?! You want some of this too?

The world's saddest-looking android

Governer Schwartzenegger's budget woes apparently now far outstrip those of Gray Davis. Which after all were what motivated the recall election that put Arnold in office in the first place. Who's the girlie man now, Arnold?

If Californians were so determined to elect the Terminator, they should have thought about Robert Patrick from T2. Because at least he would have known how to stay liquid. ZING!!! I got a million of 'em!

My theory on the USAir crash

I was on a deadline this week so I didn't have time read about this story in depth. Apparently a stray flock of geese took out the engines on a plane out of LaGuardia, and it made a miracle landing in the Hudson River, and luckily everybody made it out okay. Yeah right. I'm telling you right now I smell government cover-up. Because as far as I'm concerned this thing has Jack Bauer 's fingerprints all over it.

Obviously Jack Bauer busted this cell of terrorist geese, and he caught the head goose and tortured him in a hotel room with a piece of lamp wire or something until he found out about the airline plot, and he stowed away in the luggage compartment of the plane and right at the last second he burst in on the saboteur.

"Tell me how to defuse the bomb or you start losing feathers!"

Caroline Kennedy

This face got overworked, and I think we're at a point where we're going to have to agree to disagree. It's so hard to caricature a woman without losing what makes her attractive. But the more you try to try to make it "right", you lose the creative expression of what your mind's eye is seeing. It's a high-wire act. Nothing to do but keep practicing.

Image from Leland.

The Economic Crisis: Two Views

"Mr. Paulson argues that the approach [to the bailouts] combines pragmatism with an intense focus on moral hazard, or letting people pay for failure. 'I don't believe in raw capitalism without regulation. There's got to be a balance between market discipline, allowing people to take losses, and protecting the system,' he says."

The Economist, Sept. 20th 2008

"Why aren't we acting like those Wall Street guys are just out-of-their-minds addicts? I feel like the brother with the straight job, and you're a guy who hangs out at the track. I just wanna know this, of the 700 Billion we gotta chip in, how much is going to hookers?"

Ron Bennington

Bailout

Pictured: Chris Dodd, Government Guy

I'm somewhat capable of understanding the arguments on both sides of this. I read the Economist occasionally, sometimes even facing the right way up. But I can't for the life of me figure out if this bailout is a good thing or not. Maybe it's just the least awful of the options in front of us.

All I know is that when I first heard people saying that we needed to bail out Wall Street, I somehow had the sensation that I was being sold a sports stadium. Do you realize what a disaster it'll be for our economy if Shelbyville gets the sports stadium instead of us? You want those three, possibly four net jobs going to Shelbyville?

How can you not get nervous when George Bush goes on TV and tells you that the solution to all the problems is yet another round of spending like a drunken fucking sailor. I do like how everyone seemed to be for it, and then Bush comes out in favor of it and suddenly everyone's skeptical of it. When you're George Bush in 2008, every day is opposite day.

__________________________________________________________

Dude, there's not a space there, even for you. I understand you must be pretty excited about being one of the first Yanks to own one of those things, but that doesn't mean you just put it in the crosswalk. The rest of us can still see it. It's slightly smaller than a regular car, it's not Wonder Woman's invisible plane.

Black Monday

Inspired by a photo I pulled off CNN.com.